My Brokenness and Healing
I learned about brokenness – theirs and mine!
I found myself with more questions than answers.
Had it had not been for my relationship with God,
I would not have survived the experience.
Many were the times that I cried,
not able to verbalize what I was feeling within.
And God and I developed a different kind of relationship.
It moved from knowing who God was
to experiencing Him in relationship!
He became intensely personal,
challenging me to sink my roots deeper into Scripture.
He told me that He was the perfect parent,
and yet it did not guarantee obedient, loving children.
I learned that I was capable of thoughts
I would never have thought I would think.
I learned the importance of a dedicated support system,
people without answers, but who were willing
to walk alongside me, without judging.
I learned that Satan uses
everything and everyone he can to hurt,
make afraid, discourage, frustrate, and alienate.
I learned that it was important to thank God
for His faithfulness even when I did not see it,
His love when I did not feel it,
His justice when there seemed none,
and growth through pain.
My faith became a lot simpler!
One of the things
that I’ve discovered throughout the years
as I parented my daughters
was that I learned to know God and myself in a way
that I likely wouldn’t have
without the struggles and challenges
that were so painful.
I am convinced that it was the suffering that taught me
the things that made me acknowledge
my weakness and need
and run to God for answers, insight, and hope.
God was faithful through it all.
He took my focus off of me
and showed me truths from His Word
that I needed to learn ~
about myself and about Him, about our relationship.
These were truths that have made a difference in my life.
The lessons were hard,
but He taught me with a heart of love.
He created me and He knew the way that I learned best.
He used the situations and circumstances
that I was confronting
and how I needed to see them differently,
from His perspective and with His heart of love!
While I needed to acknowledge
that I could not change others
when I saw them doing things
that would make their lives more difficult,
my focus needed to remain
on being who God wanted me to be
in my relationship with Him and with the others
(that He was loving more than I ever could!)
My focus changed, I became more grateful,
and I realized that I was no different than those
I was struggling to love.
Much of what I learned was from reading Scripture,
with God pointing out its relevance to my life.
I wrote as I processed my learning;
it helped to solidify my learning.
While I have shared my writings with others since then,
I have learned that God often speaks to others
in a way that is individually tailored
to their learning style
and by using the situations
with which they are struggling.
By Twila Charles Leichty